4am

It's 4am. In Mozambique I got up around this time and enjoyed the silence immensely, so I am giving it a try here too. However, I have been going to bed much later at night than my African 9pm, so 4am might be a stretch. Thinking about the coming day is odd. It is a Monday. Sarah and I should be preparing to go the hospital. We were always nervous on Mondays, not knowing what to expect. Every week held surprises... some good and some very bad. Once, after a particularly hard day, we packed a picnic and went to enjoy God's beauty, read, and enjoy each other's company. I loved that day, even though I cried through a lot of it because of things I had seen that morning. It was in the brokenness that God showed me beauty and wonder.

In a few minutes I will start applying Band-Aids to my battered feet for a long run. Training for this marathon has been wonderful in that it is a fleshed-out, deeply felt, real life demonstration of what it is like to walk with Christ. Incredibly challenging... often exhilarating... definitely painful... but will be worth it in the end. After running 15 miles (hopefully) around the wide open spaces of the Red River Valley I will come back inside to nurse my wounds and eat breakfast. Breakfast is a challenge. I never realized all of the choices we have to make here! Should I have Blueberry Morning today or Cinnamon Life? Special K Vanilla Almond or Maple Pecan Crunch? I do not know yet, but I have 15 miles to think about it.

For the remainder of the day my mom and I are going shopping in Fargo, and will spend the afternoon with a dear friend. My shopping list contains mascara and very little else. It's much harder for me to think now about "needs". I have a whole new perspective on that word... please do me the favor of reminding me of this if I am being overly silly and frivalous in the future.

Other recent activities. I am planning a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. I am enjoying coffee dates with friends. I am spending every moment that I can laughing with my family. I am planning a 5 year class reunion with my friend Tiffany. Hopefully all 14 of us will be there:). Mostly I am enjoying as much solitude as possible, needing to talk with God about many things and needing to hear from Him.

I am enjoying these activities very much. But except for the last one they are a far stretch from the activities of the past year and I can't help wondering a little bit, "What is my purpose?" I can't help longing to sit in a hut beside dear Mozambiquan friends, or to hold little Elias at the baby clinic... even if he pees all over me. It is great being home, but I miss Africa. My heart is in more than one place. Of course this is to be expected and everyone is being beautifully gracious in understanding...

It is approaching 5am and I want to get outside... bird songs are sheer loveliness in the morning and I don't want to miss them. I imagine them sitting up in the trees somewhere and think, they seem pleased with each other...