THE COUNTDOWN...

Folks, we are at T minus THREE days until Sarah-ki and Justin's wedding. I can't believe it. Yes, the tears are already flowing. Oh boy... someone hand me some tissues! I'm on my way to Fargo!!!!!

Lovely Colorado and New Home Montana

I made it! After putting 5500 miles on my trusty Impala and visiting 14 states, I am finally settled in Billings and working at St. Vincents Hospital. Colorado was amazing... I will refrain from elaborating at this point but I met some really great people there and had a fabulous time! A definite highlight was when Emma flew down for the weekend so that we could go to a LIVE taping of Adventures in Odyssey. We have both been fans of this radio show since we were kids, and you would have thought we were meeting the most famous people on the planet considering how excited we were about getting autographs!! Emma got to give Jimmy Barclay a hug, and I got to hear Eugene say "Greetings and salutations" face to face. Yes, it was a perfect day.









Ah Billings. The NICU here is great! I enjoy the nurses I will be working with and love my job as much as ever. The most difficult thing to get used to has been their computerized charting, but now that I'm adjusting it's really nice! As a travel nurse a fully-furnished apartment is provided by the company. Mine is much nicer than I would ever need, so I am very thankful for this blessing even while I feel guilty for living in such extravagance. Instead of focusing on the latter, I am praying that God would help me to use my little home to bless others. I'm reading 'The City of Joy' currently, and it will most definitely end up on my list of all-time favorites. The setting is Calcutta and it is a beautiful book.

Being in a new city has its pros and cons. My adventure-loving side is having a blast exploring and learning about my new stomping grounds. My people-loving side is just needing a hug. It's strange being in a place where not one single face is familiar! Struggling with this, I brought it to the Lord this morning. Isn't it crazy and wonderful how no matter where we are we can go into God's presence and find that we are... home. So, all is well.

Less than two weeks until Sarah and Justin's wedding! I plan on collecting as many hugs as I can from as many people as possible:).

Solitude

This lone road-tripping is interesting to say the least. I'm used to having something to do and plenty of people to see every day and now I find myself... alone. It's good for me. Keith, AJ and Tyler were my three adventure pals the last couple of days, and they just left to head back to Texas. We had a great time! I did manage to do a face plant off my mountain bike yesterday and injure my arm. It hurts a lot... but considering I'm between health insurance I'm not too keen on the idea of going in for xrays. No bones are sticking out so I think it should heal nicely. Some nurse, right:)?!? The plan was to go white water kayaking today, but we were all too beat up and exhausted for that. Maybe next summer. I swung by the Grand Canyon on my way up here and it was GORGEOUS! I'll post some pictures of that soon. It's quite a hole in the ground.

With the boys gone, I'm feeling the silence. My job in Montana doesn't start until the 25th, and I can't move up there until the 22nd (the apartment opens for me then). Needless to say, I've still got a good amount of time to hang out in Colorado. Please send me any prayer requests that you may have... I'd be delighted to pray for you!

The midwifery school in the Philippines continues to excite me, and I've begun to think in that direction. Since it starts in August, it would give me another year to work and save money before making a two year move. If you want to check it out, the website it http://www.midwifeschool.org/index.html

I'll be on the road again today, so give me a call!

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:4-5

Travels - Arizona

The drive to Phoenix was beautiful. I had purchased the soundtrack from my all-time favorite movie, "Once", and sat back to enjoy the view. Wandering along the Old West Scenic Highway I found myself gasping and blurting out "WAY TO GO GOD!!!" as mountains of rock and colors of sky converged solely to take my breath away. The most stunning places were always strategically located so that there was no place to pull over and take a picture, but I'm quite sure it couldn't have been captured on film anyway. Stepping out of the car at the end of the road I was blasted with heat that reminded me of Africa, and I was immediately thankful for air conditioning. Seeing Megan again is amazing. She has a depth, humor and honesty about her that both refreshes and challenges me. We made each other laugh late into the night until I, of course, fell asleep first. It's always special to be able to see a dear friend's home, meet their family and friends, and put images to stories that I've been hearing since we've known each other.

Today we talked again about future plans, about what "God's will" actually means, how to make our love for Him translate into more than an hour spent with Him in the mornings, and how fear so often prevents us from following Him recklessly. I mentioned midwifery school again and the resulting intense conflict between that desire and my longing to be back overseas. She calmly asked why I wasn't looking into midwifery schools abroad. Third world midwifery schools. That touched one of those deep fears I hold. I've always assumed that when I went back overseas for any length of time it would be with someone. That someone can't be Sarah, since she is getting married next month. To be perfectly and painfully honest, I've been holding onto a need to be in the States, even though I don't want to be. I've felt that it would be helpful if I gave God time to introduce me to someone fabulous who wants to follow God recklessly... together. But I can't hold that expectation, so I'll stop.

Already I've discovered a midwifery program in the Philippines that makes my heart beat faster. How will I know if it's right? Maybe I won't. But I can look at the passions and talents that God has given me and get clues. In Matthew 25 Jesus tells the story of a master who entrusted his servants with talents of silver. Two of the servants took risks and the amount of talents they received were doubled. But a third servant was filled with fear. He didn't want to risk losing his talent, so he buried it and the master was very displeased. He took the third servant's talent away and gave it to the one who had risked the most. So should I sit around waiting for God to reveal His "perfect" location and school for me, or maybe what He wants for me more than anything is to take a risk. Stick my neck out a little bit. I'll be praying about that during my long drive to Durango, Colorado tomorrow!


A sign we saw in downtown Phoenix. AWESOME!!!


Megan at work!



Stuck in the boot.


Didn't quite make it in time!! :)

Travels - North Dakota to New Mexico and everything in between.

I am seated at a tune-up shop in El Paso, Texas, just miles from the Mexico border. The past week has been full of randomness and wonder, and I am amazed by God. The interviews for California nursing jobs never did happen, since both positions were filled before I could even compete with them. No matter. When my siblings and I left for vacation in Texas, I had no idea where I'd end up. We made it to Kerrville just in time for Sarah's dad's 50th birthday party. It was such a raucous event that we secretly hoped the police would show up! I was delighted. After a day of rest (and a good amount of belly flops in the pool), eight of us "younger" people piled into two cars and headed to Big Bend for an overnight camping trip. Who knew such rugged beauty lived in Texas? We saw three tiny baby bears and their mama as we drove that night, and the most stunning starry sky I've seen in the Northern hemisphere. An obnoxious snorer in a nearby tent thwarted our sleeping efforts late into the night. This, however, was a very good thing as our bag of coal caught fire and we were still awake to put it out before things got ugly. During a long hike the next morning we met a different baby bear and its mama... directly in front of us on the trail! A strange mix of excitement and fear tingled all over me and I was thankful for the four men in our company all being 6'4 or taller. I could hide:) We also had the privilege of spotting a snake, a roadrunner, a jackrabbit (HUGE ears), and a deer. Not to mention a "mountain lion" that turned out to be a squirrel. It looked scary from a distance, trust me:).

It was time to go west even farther to Bloys Camp Meeting... an odd, once a year tradition that has been taking place since 1890. Sarah's descendants helped start it, and today 1200 people pack out tin cabins for a week of family time and rich tradition. The rules have been in place since the start and include such gems as "hold all applause during church services" (optional chapel was held three times a day) and "no taking photos on Sundays". I was thrilled with the whole rustic affair, from chasing the spiders out of our cabin at the beginning of the week to wiggling through hardly touched caves to hours of volleyball to sitting on the front porch watching my mom learn how to knit and listening to the men debate politics and religion. With hardly any cell phone service, the job search continued, and I was offered positions in Denver Colorado and Billings, Montana. I accepted Billings and start on August 25th. Yesterday my siblings flew home with my parents and I was left with my car, two weeks before starting my new position, and lots of country to be explored. While falling asleep last night with fiddlers in the background imploring Ol' Dan Tucker to "git oudda the way" I excitedly planned. Today I'm making my way to Phoenix to see my dear friend Megan. Just as soon as the kind mechanics here are finished prodding, filling, balancing and rotating, I'll be back on the road. 2500 miles and 6 states down, LOTS more to come!


Our cabin


Porch sitters!!!



Preparing myself to squeeze through a tiny hole into a very dark unknown.



If Keith can do it, I can do it!!!

Free

With bags nearly packed, possessions disbursed, and feeling chock-full of great memories from THREE going away parties thrown by my amazingly stunning friends... I'm ready to hit the road. The question is, where to? First to Texas for a week of vacation with my family. After that, I'm rather unsure. There is a high likelihood that I will be going to some city in California, but applying for travel nursing positions has not been nearly as seamless or simple as I thought it would be. Most hospitals want 2 years of NICU experience, which I don't have. Regardless, tomorrow I will have a phone interview that could land me a 13-week position either in San Diego or Modesto. If the interview doesn't go well, perhaps I'll just point the car in a direction and see where I end up. HA:). This is fun. I've been asked about a thousand times if I feel nervous at all, and I suppose I really should. But there's none of that. I have such a peace about leaving that even though I don't know where I'm going, it's ok. God knows where I will end up, and that's enough. But I would appreciate your prayers! I'll keep you posted as I travel.

"For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living." Psalm 116:8-9

Scattered

Something deep within me screams for beauty
Its appearance in the oddest of places
Suddenly with the coming of sun after rain
In Charlie's face... Charlie with down syndrome
Discovered today: a scrap of paper loaded with memories
Of a year past.
In church with a best friend on either side
Fighting tears at the safety of such a thing.
Her eleventh week of a longed-for pregnancy
The fear of it
The joy
Imagine little fingers and toes.
We need rain God!
Please send rain.
Leaving the grocery store:
"Can you spare some change?"
Startled. Rare here.
An empty wallet save for $3 and some change
Hardly anything
"Every little bit helps"... the response
What can anyone do except
Every little bit
As hard as possible
For Jesus.

Tingly with Excitement!!!

The last week has been a crazy one... I put in my two weeks' notice at Meritcare (which was very difficult... I LOVE my coworkers) and began making preparations to leave Fargo. God has been challenging me in many ways regarding the 'stuff' I have accumulated, and teaching me to hold possessions very loosely. He is definitely asking me to "put my money where my mouth is" to borrow the phrase. I am trying earnestly to be obedient and the more I am, the more freedom and joy that I feel. All I really need is HIM! In early August my family is going camping in Texas, and I'll fly directly from there to California to take my first travel nursing assignment. It will be 8 weeks and a lot of work, but I'm excited!! Since travel nursing assignments are only 8 weeks, there will be plenty of amazing opportunities to travel... like the opportunity to spend 4 weeks in Africa in October!!! I'm seriously praying about doing that. The thought of being in Africa again gives me so many excited butterflies in my stomach that I've hardly been able to eat anything the past couple of days. I've kept in touch with several friends in South Africa who are part of an organization called Ten Thousand Homes (www.tenthousandhomes.org) and God is doing some amazingly sa-weet stuff. I'd like to visit them for a few days to check it out, then head up to Mozambique... where I am quite sure I left my heart. Maybe I'll find it and if I do, I'll let you know:).

Though I am excited about the news things on the horizon, the biggest challenge of leaving is saying goodbye to the amazing friendships I have here. God has blessed my socks off, that is for sure. I'll miss the coziness of having such dear friends so close at hand. The other day Isaac's babysitter was sick, so I got to hang out with him while Tiffany was at work. I'll miss things like that. We had a GREAT time! Here are some pics...





Does Jazz like Reeses Puffs?! Yup.


Isaac wanted to make sure that I got a picture with Jazz too:).


Here he wanted me to take a picture of Jazz's butt:). We laughed about that for a while.




CUTE!!!!

Hungry

Just moments ago, the news flashed onto CNN that Morgan Tsvangirai has formally withdrawn from Zimbabwe's race for President. The implications of this for the people of Zimbabwe cannot be fathomed. There will continue to be violence, especially towards the brave Zimbabweans who stuck out their necks to vote against current president Robert Mugabe's evil regime. There will continue to be hunger, with store shelves empty and inflation so out of control that residents remain unable to pay for anything that may be available. And I complain about the price of gas. Meanwhile, the rising price of oil affects so much more than those of us who are now forced to think twice about driving to Minneapolis for the weekend to do a little shopping (feeling sorry for me?). The world food shortage continues to increase, drastically affecting millions of lives. It is completely unacceptable that countless across the globe are starving. But what do I care? My stomach is pleasantly full.

Lately I have noticed the ease with which I can get swept up into materialism and the love of money. I see again and again that the cares of the world impact me at a much more alarming rate than the love of Christ in me seeks to impact the world. It's a simple thing for the radical love that blesses the poor, the meek, the merciful, and the peacemaker to be forgotten because it's completely unnatural apart from walking daily with Jesus. With a renewed understanding of my own selfishness and an intense desire for a holiness that sends this ugliness packing, I've been falling back down on my knees and asking God for ears that hear the cries of the hungry and the groans of the oppressed. I want to hear those voices more than the voices everywhere screaming that I "deserve" more... better... more... better... more... better. You get the idea. We all hear them.

So, I'm working on a new budgeting system that perhaps I could hold a little bit closer to Scripture without squirming as violently. I will soon be taking my first travel nursing position... destination currently unknown. Oh, and the Air Force? What was I thinking? As the date to sign the contract grew closer, the reservations began to well up in me to a boiling point. I was reminded by my wise dad what joining the Air Force would entail, and the gentle advice that even if the money looked good, perhaps this wasn't for me. He is so right. For one thing, how could I sign a contract that would own me completely for the next several years? There are more reasons, and ones closer to my heart... but I'll leave it at that. I'm excited to see how God will provide for graduate school. He will... I know it. And I also know that He will use those of us who have bread to provide it for others who need some. We are His hands and feet after all! I, for one, could stand to get a lot more concerned about feeding hungry crowds of 5000. Before performing a miracle, didn't Jesus first say to his disciples... "You give them something to eat." And what they had they gave to Him. Something to think about.

No More...

"You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and You listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Psalm 10:17-18

At this time last year I was getting ready to go back to South Africa after several days in Nigeria. I have often considered that trip over the past year, and it continues to hold my heart firmly. On four different occasions I sat in brothels and listened to the stories of the women who live and work there. It left me feeling an urgent desire to do something, and a deep frustration at my limitations. That trip was definitely more for my benefit than the benefit of anyone in Nigeria. It certainly got me reading... I've researched sex trafficking, been shocked by its thriving existence all over the world, read books on the subject (I highly recommend 'Terrify No More' by Gary Haugen), prayed for the young girls and young women who are forced either physically or out of necessity to sell their bodies. The horror of this business... the darkness... the evil... cannot be fathomed by my limited mind. But I want to know. I've read about blank looks on the faces of 5-year-olds as undercover investigators are offered their services for a small fee. HOW CAN THIS BE?!?!? The idea haunts me. It keeps me awake at night. It makes me cry, but not enough. This is the kind of evil that must not make us simply pause and comment that it is a shame. This is the kind of evil that must make us stop in our tracks, evaluate the present course of our lives, and ask God if there is a cause greater than our own success and comfort that He would have us live and fight for. There must be hope for the poor. There must be hope for the orphan, the slave, the widow, the sex worker. There IS hope. Jesus brought hope, and said that if we believe in Him we must follow His example. "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
My friend, Andrew Ulasich, is currently living among the poor in Kathmandu, Nepal. I highly recommend his blog, http://www.andrewulasich.blogspot.com/
His writing is raw and real. Please pray for him.

WHAT IS THAT?!?!?

Look closely at my Sarah-ki's left hand. Is that... could it be... maybe... YES!!!! This woman who I have shared incomparable amounts of time with... we have had our fingers up each other's noses (long story), shared wardrobes, slept side by side on a single mattress under a mosquito net, chased bugs with frying pans, laughed, cried, and everything in between. There are times when I think we share the same heart beat. And now, I have to give her to another!! Fortunately, Justin is amazing. He even took me ring shopping with him!!! Smart man. September 13th is the big day! I can't write too much about this one... it's such a strange mix of unbelievable joy and deep pain at needing to let Sarah take this next step without me. I can't experience this with her and that, for me, is hard. But I rejoice at this blessing from God! I have been praying for Sarah's future husband for a very long time, and am glad that he is (finally) here:).

Beautiful Words...

My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away..."
Song of Solomon 2:10-13

DONE!!!

Amanda and I had SO MUCH FUN!!!! We crossed the finish at 4 hours 28 minutes. I have to say that we definitely had the two BEST fans possible. Emma and Tiffany found us on the course FIFTEEN times!!! Such a feat is practically unheard of. We felt very special.

An Impulsive 26.2

I decided about 8 days ago to run the Fargo marathon, after a 1 1/2 month break in training. My knee just wasn't healing enough to press on, so I had to give up Boston qualifying aspirations (for now) and be satisfied with watching this one from the sidelines. Ouch. Well, after a long rest period using biking and swimming in cross-training efforts, I ran a mile. Surprise... I felt nothing! So the next day I ran a bit longer. Again, nothing. At this point I was thinking... I'm already registered for the marathon, why not go for it? I don't pretend to think that I will run it very fast, but crossing the finish line would be a great treat. In addition, I'm going to be running with my friend Amanda from work. She also is having left knee issues so we'll be good encouragement to each other, and will have a blast I am sure. However, as I studied the map this afternoon I've been thinking... wow. It's really far. Especially considering the fact that the last long run I did was 2 months ago, and even then I only went 16 miles. But my theory is that marathons are almost entirely mental. We'll see how it goes. I'm definitely willing to drop out if my knee starts acting up again, because I am already registered for Chicago in October. I am thankful for the opportunity to at least try tomorrow!!

Conversation with the Giuas

I spoke with Carlos and Pascua on the phone this morning and got an update on what has been happening lately in Mozambique. With a new baby girl in the house (Jessica) Carlos is excited to have almost a full soccer team:). In addition to their 3 daughters, Carlos and Pascua also have living with them Dominga, who is in grade 5 and the same age as Nysha. Carlos proudly announced that Dominga is doing very well in school, and is first in her class! Dominga's mother is very ill, and he asked for prayer for her healing. Their hope is that Maria will get well enough so that she can live very close to Carlos and Pascua so Dominga can go back to living with her and remain in the community. Carlos also asked for prayer for a friend of Pascua's who recently found out that she is HIV+ and is very suicidal. Pascua also has family members who are sick and need prayer.

As always, it was great to hear their voices and to just be blessed by my Mozy family. They are eagerly anticipating Dara and Laura coming on Sunday, and are also excited about a new round of chickens in the coop at Rubatano. They are 5 days old now and I am sure very cute. It's really too bad about their tragic end.

I wish you all could hear one of Carlos' stories... especially the time when "the tank was full" (translation: he needed to use the bathroom) and he ended up getting chased by and needed to confront a VERY scary dog. There is nothing more hilarious. He also asked in all seriousness if I had a word from the Lord that the man for me would come from the USA, or the UK, or Africa, or somewhere else. I told him I didn't have any clue, but was amazed to know that a man so burdened with the needs of so many others would care about something so insignificant in comparison. The topic made me chuckle, but I definitely felt loved. Something Carlos didn't say but that I took from the conversation was that he is tired. I could hear his voice thick with exhaustion, even amidst the periods of giggling and other periods of serious prayer requests. Though he very rarely asks for it, HE needs our prayer.

Update Letter

Hello my friends!

It has been nine months since Sarah and I got home and nearly that long since you received anything in the way of updates from me. This has probably been a relief to the email inboxes of many of you, while others may be wondering where in the world I went. I've been around, but for once in my life had very little to say. Now, coming to the other side of what I think of as a "desert" season in my life, what I have learned through immense struggle can be summarized in a few verses from the pen of Paul.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus might also be revealed in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

You may remember that when I first got home I was hoping to be back in Africa within a few months, but God seemed to say no to that desire and asked me to stay. And even though I knew He was right, I was still angry with Him. I felt betrayed somehow... as if God had played a cruel joke on me, leading to a place and breaking my heart for it, then calling me out and keeping me there. This wasn't the only issue. I also felt deep guilt over some choices I had made and thought of myself as a failure and disappointment to God. Satan jumped on all these things and began doing his utmost to break me down... throwing in my face everything he possibly could and making me feel worthless... a failure... crushed by guilt. However, I could not let on that I struggled. There was my foolish pride to contend with... I am supposed to have it all together, right?

I had gotten my own apartment in Fargo and started a job in the NICU at Meritcare. Right away I knew that's where I needed to be because I was learning SO much, but I still didn't like it. Yet even though I was angry with the Lord and my heart was broken in more places than I knew existed, He was still working... guiding... speaking... loud enough so that I would HEAR Him. I can be incredibly impatient and have the consistent yearning to back back overseas right now... yesterday in fact:). However, my time in the NICU has shown me how much there is to learn, and how valuable experience and education could be in the future in a third world country. He began to give me a desire to go back to school to get a Masters in Nurse Midwifery, and I started actively searching for schools. It has been a 3-month long process and quite a roller coaster ride of options, but I believe I'm on a course now that is actually going to happen and is the right one. Though not set in stone, the current plan is to enlist in the Air Force as a nurse beginning either in August or in October. There are many reasons for the Air Force (and I'm sure many more which I cannot see now...), one of which is the fact that they pay for a huge chunk of graduate school. I will most likely be stationed in San Antonio and work in the NICU there. In January I will begin studying through an online program and after 3 years will be finished with my Air Force contract and have the degree I long for. I have made it sound very simple in these few sentences, but in reality I am quite terrified about the whole thing. But I know it's right. Somehow it's precisely because of the fear that I know it's right.

A few weeks ago I was talking to good friends Nick and Troy... telling them how much I miss my best friend. They prayed for me and said "Ginna, go after Him." I've been going after Him... giving Him my frustrations and my fears, my doubts and my failures. Giving Him the broken jar of clay that is me and trusting that He will fill me again with the treasure that is Him. I feel like I'm coming out of the desert... not understanding my Lord ANY more than when I went it (in fact, filled with tons more questions than I've ever had before) but loving Him... OH, loving Him and experiencing His love in a completely new and wonderful way. You know what I think is strange? We all try so hard to avoid pain because it is, to state the obvious, so painful. But really it is only through pain and struggle that we grow. And I need to add that in the midst of this spiritual struggle I've experienced in a new way how beautiful that body of Christ really is. Through many highs and even more very low lows I've been loved by everyone around me so deeply and purely it has often made me cry. Thank you. I can't say that enough.

So if you wonder if the year in Mozambique was just a one time thing my answer is... I HOPE NOT!!! I want to devote my entire life to working in the poorest parts of the world. Maybe Africa... maybe somewhere else... Asia? The Middle East? I'll go anywhere. The coming three years will be further preparation, and I'm excited about this new season!

Please keep praying for Mozambique. Pray for Carlos and Pascua, their 3 girls, Rubatano Home Based Care, all of the patients and volunteers, the baby clinic and the mission. Two of Sarah's friends are nurses who are beginning the Footprints program. They are being trained in South Africa right now and will be going to Mozambique this Sunday, living in our house and driving our faithful Toyota. I'm THRILLED. More than a little bit jealous, but thrilled all the same:).

A few friends and I are going to be running the Chicago marathon for World Vision again this year! I'm excited to once again have the amazing opportunity to raise funds for children in Africa.

If you want to check in on me from time to time I do update my blog quite regularly... www.ginnahelen.blogspot.com

God bless you,
Ginna

P.S. Please pray with me, fervently, for the people of Myanmar.

Myanmar Cyclone

Please be praying for the people of Myanmar. Estimates have soared to over 100,000 deaths... an unfathomable number. At this moment relief teams wait in Bangkok and elsewhere for visas to be able to enter the country. It's taking much too long. For what it's worth, I'd like to be among them and am spending the afternoon researching relief organizations who are sending (or who will be sending) medical personnel.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

I was up all night reading this book by Khaled Hosseini, and finally lingered on the final sentences near sunrise. The two main characters, Mariam and Laila, are women in Afghanistan and the story weaves its way from the late 60s all the way to present day. For some it may be difficult to imagine that the atrocities found within its pages actually occur. Though relatively speaking I have seen very little of the world, I have seen enough to know that they do. The book is riddled with realities of war, death, child brides, abuse, starvation, oppression and even execution, but enduring themes are ones of hope, friendship, and love. I connected deeply with these women in their longing to live on, though living at times seemed unbearable. I felt a strange and persistent desire to enter into their world and share the heaviness of their load. I found myself asking God to take me to women like these and felt a renewed excitement for becoming a midwife. After closing the book I sat and watched the moon, a half moon today, slowly fade. Then darkness began to break into color, and day arrived. Still unable to sleep I lit candles and turned on my favorite sermon, one given by Donald Miller last fall titled 'Story'. I listened to it while washing dishes and folding clothes and asked God again to take my smallness and do something that brings Him great glory. I stopped cleaning and stared for a while out my bedroom curtains at the sunshine... thought with excitement about Josh and Rachel coming home today from their honeymoon... beginning life together. I wondered if they feel a sense of stability, knowing that they have each other. Wandering outside, I tried to choke down the fear of what is ahead and unknown... fears of failure, inadequacy, and perpetual loneliness. I tried to let all of the dreams that stir within me to live crazy and really trust God and really follow Him cover over the genuine terror I feel that makes me want to ask God to use someone else. But then I think that this one story is all I have and I want it to count for something. Often I feel in a very matter-of-fact way that I will die for my faith in Jesus and I think, God, prepare me for whatever is YOUR will. This was so much more than just a book to me. Graphic in every detail, it was a beckoning to follow God with reckless abandon. He can take me places I would never have dreamed, and that reminder is well worth a sleepless night.

April Snow Days

I got home from work on Saturday morning to see our house covered with snow!!! It was our third blizzard in April and we are expecting more in May. Haha, TIND (this is North Dakota...). I don't mind. It looks so pretty!!



Isaac turned 6 on Sunday! He is getting to be so incredibly grown up. But not too grown up for a bowling party and monster truck cake!!! I love this little man. Happy birthday bud!!!

Team World Vision!!!!