Never Forgets...

Isn't it interesting how in a simple moment that is often not distinguishable even in hindsight, something happens and life changes forever? The more I stop to think about it the more it is clear that life is full of these moments. I'm not sure I like that! Yet another big one came for me a few weeks ago with a simple phone call. Suddenly I find myself applying for grad school, considering a move to the opposite end of the country where I am aquainted with absolutely no one, and shifting my gaze to a very unfamiliar part of the world. Just when I started getting comfortable, God had other ideas. Often the 'new things' on the horizon fill me with excitement, almost always I start getting weary when trying to work out the details (which I could never do to perfection anyway... God seems to make it 'impossible' so that He can show me once again how amazing He is), but there are also regular bouts of fear and even anger which bring me back to a place where I find myself so many times. That place is wondering if God really knows what He is doing or if He has finally gone off the deep end this time... wondering why He asks such strange things of me and if I really have to say yes, all the while knowing that I WILL say yes because there is no other way. I want things that it seems I can't have... some sort of stability, familiarity (God, can I PLEASE just go back to Africa?), maybe even love. Time after time He leads me in another direction, deeply though I long to hold on to what I already love with passion. I want to say, "Lord I am weary. Go one without me, please." But He never forgets one He loves. Never.

No One Else Knows
Building 429

My world is closing in on the inside, but I'm not showing it
When all I am is crying out I hold it in and fake a smile still I'm broken, I'm broken
Only One can understand and only one can hold the hand of the broken, of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms...
Again

I need no explanation of "Why Me?"
I just need confirmation
When only You could understand the emptiness inside my head
I am falling, I'm falling
I'm falling down upon my knees to find the one that gives me peace
I am flying, I'm flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms...
Again

I have come to You in search of faith
'Cuz I can't see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I leave it in Your hands

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands...

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstreched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Oh You hold me in Your arms
I know that You hold me in Your arms...
Again