Sunday, August 02, 2009

Saying I Do - Part 1

Not that anyone is counting, but in 35 days I will be Steve Cross's bride! Though part of me is tempted to fill the rest of this post with the famous cyber smiley faces I will spare you the sappiness... for now. The thought of our rapidly approaching wedding day fills me moment by moment with almost every emotion under the sun. During the past few days we have been working on our vows and this morning I was in tears of reverence as I thought through what they mean. These are no ordinary words! I am committing before God and witnesses that I will take this man to be my husband and love him for the rest of my life as I love myself. Even to put him before me! "Lord, are you kidding me?!" The very idea seems utterly ridiculous. Now don't get me wrong, Steve is a wonderful man. The problem is not with him but with me. The truth is I am painfully in love with my own desires and comforts. Never have I ever loved someone above myself. God's intention for marriage is that the two should become ONE flesh. We all know the sad truth that marriage in our society is suffering. Divorce rates are sky-high and often the marriages that do last are ones of learning to tolerate each other rather than celebrating one another. It seems to me that merely 'surviving' in marriage is no great victory. Call me crazy, but I believe there is so much more. This wondrous design of God can never succeed without His direct enabling and working in us to change us more and more into His likeness. We love because He first loved us, says 1 John 4:19.

In short, for this high calling of marriage I feel inadequate. I desperately need God to strip away the dark and selfish places of my heart and fill me with His love. How thankful I am that in Him there is an endless supply!

More to come...

2 comments:

Kyle and Melissa Hardie said...

Oh yes, this becomes even more glaring AFTER the vows. :) But God gives us what we need to learn how to love and FORGIVE each other daily....marriage is great and can't wait to celebrate you two!

Blomgren2 said...

Girl, I feel ya. It's hard to be selfless and sometimes I think it's impossible! I'll be praying for you as you enter this precious and fun time in life!