Captivated: Travels

The drive to Phoenix was beautiful. I had purchased the soundtrack from my all-time favorite movie, "Once", and sat back to enjoy the view. Wandering along the Old West Scenic Highway I found myself gasping and blurting out "WAY TO GO GOD!!!" as mountains of rock and colors of sky converged solely to take my breath away. The most stunning places were always strategically located so that there was no place to pull over and take a picture, but I'm quite sure it couldn't have been captured on film anyway. Stepping out of the car at the end of the road I was blasted with heat that reminded me of Africa, and I was immediately thankful for air conditioning. Seeing Megan again is amazing. She has a depth, humor and honesty about her that both refreshes and challenges me. We made each other laugh late into the night until I, of course, fell asleep first. It's always special to be able to see a dear friend's home, meet their family and friends, and put images to stories that I've been hearing since we've known each other.

Today we talked again about future plans, about what "God's will" actually means, how to make our love for Him translate into more than an hour spent with Him in the mornings, and how fear so often prevents us from following Him recklessly. I mentioned midwifery school again and the resulting intense conflict between that desire and my longing to be back overseas. She calmly asked why I wasn't looking into midwifery schools abroad. Third world midwifery schools. That touched one of those deep fears I hold. I've always assumed that when I went back overseas for any length of time it would be with someone. That someone can't be Sarah, since she is getting married next month. To be perfectly and painfully honest, I've been holding onto a need to be in the States, even though I don't want to be. I've felt that it would be helpful if I gave God time to introduce me to someone fabulous who wants to follow God recklessly... together. But I can't hold that expectation, so I'll stop.

Already I've discovered a midwifery program in the Philippines that makes my heart beat faster. How will I know if it's right? Maybe I won't. But I can look at the passions and talents that God has given me and get clues. In Matthew 25 Jesus tells the story of a master who entrusted his servants with talents of silver. Two of the servants took risks and the amount of talents they received were doubled. But a third servant was filled with fear. He didn't want to risk losing his talent, so he buried it and the master was very displeased. He took the third servant's talent away and gave it to the one who had risked the most. So should I sit around waiting for God to reveal His "perfect" location and school for me, or maybe what He wants for me more than anything is to take a risk. Stick my neck out a little bit. I'll be praying about that during my long drive to Durango, Colorado tomorrow!