Saying I Do - Part 1

Not that anyone is counting, but in 35 days I will be Steve Cross's bride! Though part of me is tempted to fill the rest of this post with the famous cyber smiley faces I will spare you the sappiness... for now. The thought of our rapidly approaching wedding day fills me moment by moment with almost every emotion under the sun. During the past few days we have been working on our vows and this morning I was in tears of reverence as I thought through what they mean. These are no ordinary words! I am committing before God and witnesses that I will take this man to be my husband and love him for the rest of my life as I love myself. Even to put him before me! "Lord, are you kidding me?!" The very idea seems utterly ridiculous. Now don't get me wrong, Steve is a wonderful man. The problem is not with him but with me. The truth is I am painfully in love with my own desires and comforts. Never have I ever loved someone above myself. God's intention for marriage is that the two should become ONE flesh. We all know the sad truth that marriage in our society is suffering. Divorce rates are sky-high and often the marriages that do last are ones of learning to tolerate each other rather than celebrating one another. It seems to me that merely 'surviving' in marriage is no great victory. Call me crazy, but I believe there is so much more. This wondrous design of God can never succeed without His direct enabling and working in us to change us more and more into His likeness. We love because He first loved us, says 1 John 4:19.

In short, for this high calling of marriage I feel inadequate. I desperately need God to strip away the dark and selfish places of my heart and fill me with His love. How thankful I am that in Him there is an endless supply!

More to come...

No Fear

Do you remember the clothing line that was hugely popular about 15 years ago? Everyone walked around with shirts that said "NO FEAR" in all different fonts and colors with graphics of scary looking faces next to the logos. It was a fad much like any other fad (pogs and slammers anyone?). Clearly no one wants to be considered a scaredy cat. But I must admit that I am!

If there is one thing I shouldn't be, it's fearful. God has led me and protected me through so many situations where I shouldn't have felt safe but somehow did. I wasn't afraid in Africa or in Asia or even as a cook in a strip club. Well, not after a couple of weeks anyway. But somehow when it comes to the day to day issues of life I find that I am a complete worry-wart. I worried myself ragged that perhaps I would never meet my handsome prince. Perhaps God would want me to stay single and I would be an old maid missionary. Then God blessed me with Steve and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Beyond my wildest dreams! Then I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to find a job I loved that had good hours, and now I have a wonderful job that brings me great joy... most of the time. There is always something to fear. Recently I have had a couple of difficult patients and started worrying that I could make one mistake and end up losing my nursing license. Then there's children. Steve and I are constantly talking about and praying for the children we long to have. But what if we're like one of the other countless couples who for whatever reason can't seem to conceive? These are just some of the things over which I want to have control and don't. I think the times where it was easiest to have faith in God were the times when I knew without a doubt that my life and well-being was 100% in the hands of God. But isn't that ALWAYS true?

This week I've been thinking a lot about Isaiah 26:3. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You." No matter what the future holds, my God is in control. I absolutely believe that mentally, and I really want that truth to be planted deep in my soul.

"There is NO FEAR in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18

My Lub

On February 14th this year a few of us were playing Valentine Scrabble. Steve and I had tweeked the original rules so that any love-related word yielded a 10-point bonus. Despite my best efforts, I was stuck. One of Steve's roommates came over, peeked at my letters, and quickly pointed out a couple letters that would work. No one gets too uptight when this happens because I am really not much of a Scrabble threat. I was uncertain about the word Sean pointed out but he seemed confident and he is intelligent, so I laid down the letters to form "Lub". Apparently the word he wanted me to spell was "Lube" but I didn't think of that. Steve looked at "Lub", gave me a funny look and said, "what's lub got to do with it"? They gave me the points and even the 10-point bonus and ever since that day Steve and I have called each other "My lub".

Second only to God's saving grace, Steve Cross is the greatest blessing I have ever received. He is the man I used to dream about when I would daydream through Cinderella and Snow White. Because of my "lion" personality, my parents used to wonder what kind of man would be able to handle me. Nobody knew precisely what kind of man I needed, but God did. Steve has a way of leading me that is so strong and so gentle. He is wise and loyal and exceedingly patient. At times when he could get really irritated he stays calm and just loves me. The love he offers is such a beautiful picture in the flesh of the way Christ loves me.

We met "randomly" on August 15th of last year while I was passing through Colorado Springs. I was driving from Texas to Montana to start a travel nurse contract and met up briefly with my friend Alecia. She invited me to a birthday party for one of her friends. When Steve walked into the room and we were introduced we liked each other immediately. I felt this very strong sense that there was something different and very special about this handsome man. Later that evening I told my best friend that I had just met the man of my dreams, but I wasn't sure I would ever see him again! But then I was invited over to his house to play cards, then out for lunch the next day, then on a Saturday breakfast that lasted all day long. All too quickly it was time for me to leave for Montana, but we both knew it wasn't the end.

September 6th, 2009 is our wedding day. We have had a blast planning the details of our wedding day, but even more fun preparing for our life together. We signed our first lease (I move in July 1st!), found some basic furniture, and got a joint checking/savings account and have started budgeting together. We are both passionate about marriage and family and love to dream about what God might have in store for us. If the Lord blesses us in this way, we positively cannot wait to be parents! What a true treasure to raise children with the man I adore. We don't know where God will lead us, but whether here or on the other side of the world we will be together. Marriage will be a challenge, we are sure, but we look forward to how God will draw us closer to Himself through it. And we pray that our marriage will be a blessing to others and that it will point people to Jesus.

A couple of weeks ago our friend Matthew took some engagement photos of us. Here are some of them!

Joy Unspeakable

The Lord has blessed me beyond words with a man after His own heart... a man that I have spent a majority of my life praying for and longing to meet. I will write the whole story soon, but for now I wanted to post a picture taken just minutes after Steve asked me to be his wife! We're looking at dates in early September or the end of August. I CANNOT WAIT to be Mrs. Cross!!!

Keep the Conscience Clause!!!

You may have heard about President Obama's plan to rescind the Conscience Clause, which was put into place by President Bush to protect medical professionals who are pro-life. If Obama overturns this decision, pro-life doctors, nurses, etc. will all be required by law to participate in abortion procedures even though it completely violates our beliefs. As an RN this will directly effect my future career, as I would never be able to work at a job where participating in an abortion would be a possibility. The announcement was made on March 6, 2009, and the White House gave a 30-day opportunity for people to speak out about this issue. There are only a few days left for all of us who believe in the sanctity of human life to make our opinions known. Please go to the link below, sign the petition and spread the word!

http://beheardproject.com

Thank you and God bless!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

My Pals the Elderly

Two months into my new and completely different-than-the-NICU job here in Colorado Springs I am finally getting into a groove. It's not a deep groove, mind you, but it's there. Suddenly I find myself completely comfortable asking, "Did you have a bowel movement today?" and "Can I check your bottom for pressure sores?"

Now, since I've brought up bowel movements, I cannot contain myself from going there. My mother is an RN and when Josh and I were kids we were not allowed to call a #2 "poop". It was a BM. That, she claimed, was the correct and least crude way of referring to this touchy subject. However, as we started making friends in school and at church we quickly realized that calling it a BM was certainly not what the cool kids were doing. We got teased relentlessly and quickly changed our terminology to be more socially correct. Though I have adopted the nursing term now, I have made a mental note to never do this to my children:). I love you, Mom!

Back to my job. For the most part home care here in Colordao works like home care in Mozambique. The only real differences are that I drive around a company Jeep rather than Suzie-Roo (personally I liked Suzie better) and carry a navy duffel bag rather than a big red backpack. That and I understand the language around here which is a nice change, but Sarah is not here and I hate that with a passion! The vast majority of my patients are over 65 and hilarious. If they are hard of hearing the visits are generally even more comical. Last week I asked a lady to take a keep breath and she responded, "TAKE MY TEETH OUT?" She had them halfway out of her mouth before I could stop her. Some are skeptical of my youth and look surprised when they open the door and I am standing there in my pink scrubs. One gentleman asked me if I was still in high school and I assured him that I was qualified to take care of him:). I'm learning SO much about how to dress various types of wounds, how to assess the heart and lungs, how to teach patients about CAD, CHF, diabetes, and seemingly endless other ailments. The continuity is wonderful, and I can develop relationships much more than I could in the hospital.

Having an 8-5 job has made it much more possible for me to spend a good amount of time with the Lord in the mornings, which I need desperately. I had gotten out of that habit working 12-hour shifts when I had to leave the house at 6:15am. I would easily convince myself that I needed the sleep more, but that just is never true! How MUCH I need Him to help me in my great weakness and to show patients His love and care. I used to think that nursing was just going to be a job, but I am seeing more and more how God created me to use nursing, wherever I am, to bring Him glory.

Time to go. I'm reading 'Poor People' by Fyodor Dostoevsky and can hardly put it down. Call me a geek, it's fine. Just be aware that I may, at some point, publicly ask if you are having regular BMs.

How did your parents teach you to refer to this touchy subject? Will you or are you doing the same with your kids?
Comments, please!

If You Love Someone, Tell 'Em!

Recently I received a friendly reminder from my aunt that I am really slacking with the 'ol blog. It's not that I don't enjoy writing on here, it's just that *blush*... I enjoy spending time with a certain someone a whole lot more. But today I am done with work early and ready to get back in the groove.

It probably doesn't need to be said that Valentines Day was last Saturday. Everyone knows when it comes and everyone reacts differently... either very positive or very negative. My personal V-day motto is that you can never go "too overboard". People need to hear that they are loved. I certainly do! Some say it's a holiday invented by Hallmark. I don't believe there is factual evidence to back up that claim, but even if it's true I wouldn't mind. It's a great day regardless. I did a little digging this year and discovered that a primary reason for the cynicism is that most people view Valentines Day as a strictly romantic holiday. I found this information astonishing, because for me it has rarely, and I mean RARELY, been that. But since childhood I remember fondly getting chocolate "I HEART U" letters in the mail from my Aunt Kirsten and giving cards with candy to all of my classmates. One year in high school I had a basketball game, and my dad had a teammate put a beautiful card in my gym bag which I got after the game. I cried. In college my brother and I would spend Valentines Day together and it was always a great time. One year my dad brought me so many roses that I tried to trim them several at a time and nearly chopped my finger off. What an amazing man! It has never even been the gifts that made me feel so cared for, but the thought behind them. I love Valentines Day. Just typing about it I'm already excited for next year.

But that's jumping way ahead. This Valentines Day was the best ever (sorry dad)! The night before Steve and I got a heart-shaped pizza from Papa Murpheys. Honestly it wasn't the best tasting pizza ever made, but the shape completely made up for that. On Saturday we played "Valentine Scrabble", which was our own rendition of Scrabble with bonus points awarded for love-related words. Then I went home to get dressed up and Steve made an amazing dinner and the BEST homemade cheesecake I've ever had. And I'm not just saying that! It was white chocolate raspberry, my favorite. Then we went to see one of our favorite comedians, Brian Reagan, and finished the evening by fonduing with friends and playing cards. Here are some pics!










As for what else is new, I started helping Steve out on Sunday mornings with his preschool class. This past week it was just the two of us and seventeen 3-year-olds. We both agreed that 17 is too many, but we all had fun. At one point I had 3 kids on my lap and I looked down to see a little boy with his messy finger at my eye level saying "I have a boogey!" Priceless. Steve was quite a trooper trying to get them to settle down so he could tell a Bible story! Next month Steve has a softball league starting and I will hopefully get to play sometimes as a sub. I really like batting but the outfield is... a different story. So Steve has been teaching me how to throw not quite so pathetically "girly", and I think real progress is being made! Tomorrow we are starting ballroom dance lessons!!! Guess whose idea that was, tee hee hee? I am SO EXCITED.

My new job is awesome. I'll have to post something about that soon!

XOXO

Happy Thursday

Uff da. Anyone else say that a lot? Oh well, I guess I do. Though not so obvious in North Dakota where Norwegian slang is the norm, it seems a little out of place here in Colorado. Try as I might, it's a habit that's not going away any time soon.

My new job started on Monday and boy do I have a lot to learn. I've switched from neonatal intensive care and 12-hour rotating shifts to home health care and semi-normal hours. When I was looking for jobs this one just flew out at me. I loved home care in Africa and I knew it would be a good stretch for me and that I would learn oodles. So I'm very excited!! The problem is I know next to nothing about adult nursing. Sarah and I set our own schedule and pace in Africa and were able to just figure things out as we went along. Additionally, with the language barrier we weren't really able to recognize complicated medical diagnoses. We did what we could and prayed a lot. I can handle that! But I think I'd get fired if I just did a coin flip for my patients here. Hmm. Heads, "Maybe I can do something to help you." Tails, "YIKES! You're doomed." Though my coworkers encourage me by saying I can think of these patients as "big babies", I'm not convinced. It's not that I don't have my ducks in a row... I'm just not sure I have any ducks at all. Fortunately there is a really good orientation and I'm trying to spend evenings studying up on my med/surg nursing from back in college days (that makes me feel old). Everyone I work with is wonderful and to top things off I get a company Jeep! Plus I enjoy getting to be out and about in the beauty of the Rocky Mountains every day rather than cooped up in a hospital. I'll really miss the babies though.

It's Happy Thursday! Around here that means there is a new episode of The Office on tv and we're all going to watch it together. At the moment I have Jeopardy on in the background. I always listen to the very top question because sometimes... sometimes, mind you, I know that answer to that one. During the rest of the show I try to tune out.

Too Much Cuteness

These are Steve's nieces and nephews. They are off the charts!!!!

Kenzie is 7 months old and is definitely an angel baby.


Caden is 2 1/2 and proudly showing off his Christmas sweater.


This is Nathaniel who is brand new as of Thanksgiving! In this picture he was scowling because he was gassy. I'm not sure what my excuse was... perhaps the same??




Autumn is quite the character! In addition to many other games, this talented 4-year-old trounced me in Wii bowling. I mean, it wasn't even CLOSE! Yikes.


Autumn LOVES her Uncle Steve. Because of that I managed to find favor in her eyes also:).


This is totally unrelated to Christmas and Steve's nieces and nephews, but it's a fun photo and I'm very excited about my new home in the mountains of Colorado!

The "L-Bomb" :)

A quick glance at years past reveals that New Year's Eve has never been too exciting for me. I usually anticipate an amazing night and wind up disappointed. This year was different! Our group of friends here in the Springs decided to go to Cowboys... a club which, as the name implies, plays country music and encourages line dancing. Hoorah!

We started the evening by tacking an exhaustive list of restaurants in Colorado Springs to the refrigerator and taking turns tossing a green marker at it to narrow down our options. In case you're confused it's quite logical really... whatever restaurant the marker left a print on would be added to the list of options. After a lot of giggling, we finally wrote the name of the restaurant we all wanted to go to in HUGE letters at the bottome of the list, then threw the marker until we hit it.

After a great dinner we split up into our various vehicles and headed for Cowboys. During the drive I was talking passionately with Steve about a situation I felt was unjust, and what we should do about it. He was trying to get a word in edgewise and I just wouldn't let him do so. After one particulary blatant interuption, Steve (who rarely gets frustrated), said... "GINNA." I stopped, suddenly realizing what I was doing. Not only that, but I also felt an overwhelming conviction that interrupting people is something I do a lot when I am worked up. Just that morning I had been praying that the Lord would reveal my flaws so that I can work on them. He was answering my prayer and I immediately proceeded to burst into tears. "Do I do that a lot?" I asked Steve through my sobs, while in my mind quickly making a list of everyone I know so that I could call and apologize for my rudeness. "Because I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!" Steve very gently replied that though I can occasionally cut people off, he knew it was unintentional and emphasised that we all have things we need to work on. When he parked, he pulled me close to him and started to pray for me. When he finished (tears were still streaming down my cheeks) he took my face in his hands and said, "I love you." Oh boy, if that didn't really open the floodgates. It was completely unexpected! Granted, there have been many times in the last several months when I've seen love in his eyes and thought, "He loves me... why doesn't he just say it?" But he wanted to wait for the perfect time and was praying that God would show him when it came.

Really there could not have been a better time for Steve to tell me what was in his heart. Since he chose to speak those wonderful words NOT at a time when I was feeling particularly love-able (in fact, I was feeling like scum) I truly knew that he meant it. I felt completely transparent before him and at the same time marvelously safe. In that moment I also felt God whispering His love to me and knew that I had been in this place of transparency and safety with God many times before. The times when I am convicted of the ugly sin in my life are quite often the times when I really hear and receive God's love. They are also the times when I know without a shadow of a doubt that I don't deserve it. I know I don't deserve God's love, and I know I don't deserve Steve's love either. Both are indescribable showers of blessing for me... a very broken and flawed woman. Day by day God is healing the brokenness, and with His help I am working on the flaws. But what a wonderful thing to know in the middle of the journey that I am loved. And so are YOU.

P.S. After the balling slowed to a manageable stream, I also told Steve how much I love him. With all my heart.

Happy New Year!!!

With so much hype leading up to December 25th, it's always a let-down when the holiday festivities come to a rapid end. No more tinsel or bon bons, no more lights or "hustle and bustle", no more carols or mistletoe (boo).

The eve of the new year always brings a wave of nostalgia as we reminisce about the year gone by. For me, 2008 was an emotional one! This year I was in 3 weddings, sang at another, and positively sobbed my way through my BFFs "surprise" wedding in June. Standing beside some of my closest friends as they tied the knot was an amazing thing. One of them (Rachel) is now expecting a baby! In July I knew it was time to leave Fargo, but where to go? A long road trip in August brought me through Colorado Springs, where I met Steve! Four months have already gone by, and I'm positively crazy about this man.

Since it's been so long since I posted, here's a December recap. After finishing my nursing contract in Billings mid-December, I high-tailed it back to Fargo so I could spend the night with Sarah and Justin. The next day brought the first of many family Christmas celebrations, and the holidays were off to a great start. Two days were then spent snowed in with my family on the farm, enjoying the worst blizzard since 1997. We spent the day in our pajamas, playing games and making massive amounts of Christmas cookies. Even my dad got in on the frosting fun!! Then there was a flurry of lunches and sleep-overs with friends, seeing new babies and catching up. Somewhere during that week I got in a car accident... my "2nd annual". Hopefully the tradition will end there. Stupid ice!!! Steve FINALLY arrived on the 19th. We spent several days with my family and friends, then headed to Illinois (where he is from) on Christmas Eve. A candlelight service at his home church that night was a moment of peace amidst all of the hubbub. During the service the Lord reminded me of the reason we celebrate. So often I sing Christmas carols and neglect to actually ponder the words. But this year 'O Holy Night' caused tears to stream down my face.

"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
'til He appeared and the soul felt it's worth
A THRILL of HOPE, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
O night divine
O night, when Christ was born

Truly He taught us to love on another
His law is LOVE and His Gospel is PEACE
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease"

These are not all the words, of course, but what beauty and wonder is captured in this song! Think of the thrill of the shepherds, who knew that the Savior of the world had just been born. Think of the hope of Mary and Joseph, as they held God's son in their arms. Here was the One to deliver them from sin!!! How rarely I fall on my knees in worship. Here is found the true reason for Christmas. It isn't Santa Claus, or buying things or even all of the time with family (though that is wonderful). The reason is Jesus! He was and continues to be the greatest gift the world will ever know.

Meeting Steve's family and playing with his nieces and nephews... Autumn, Caden, Kenzie and Nathaniel... was just awesome! Time passed too quickly and we didn't want to leave. But as quickly as it began, "poof", Christmas was gone. A highlight of our time in Illinois was when Steve took me to see the Broadway musical "Wicked" in Chicago. It was INCREDIBLE!!! If you ever get the chance to see it, you really must.

Anyway, as of a few days ago I am comfortably moved to Colorado Springs and have two roommates... Alecia and her dog, Opie. I'm enjoying time off and job hunting. I'll enjoy my time off a little bit more once I have a job nailed down... I think it will be soon, but time will tell.

At the brink of year's end, I am most thankful for the mercy of God in all things. Though I neglect Him, He continues to pursue me. Though I put my own needs before the needs of others far too often, He speaks gently to do better. He reminds me that He came not to be served, but to serve. My only "resolution" for 2009 is to fight for more of Him every single day.

"Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. John 16:24

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS!!!!

Yeah Team World Vision!

Chicago Marathon 2008,Yeah Team!, originally uploaded by Team World Vision.

In only 3 short years, Team World Vision has grown from 50 participants in 2006, 500 in 2007 and over 1000 in 2008!

Photo from the Death Run :)

Chicago Marathon 2008, originally uploaded by Team World Vision.

Twenty-Eight

Steve turned 28 on the 24th, and I got to be in Colorado Springs to celebrate with him! It was fantastic (of course). Besides the obvious reason being in Colorado is so enjoyable, I also have loved getting to know Steve's friends. They are GREAT! I am planning to take a travel nursing position in Colorado Springs starting in January, and will move in with Alecia... with whom there is never a dull moment (right up my alley)! Being separated from family and friends for the last couple of months has taught me a lot about the beauty of fellowship. I need relationship. I need to love and be loved. I can't wait to have a roommate again and also a group of friends that gets together to watch football on Sundays, make meals for each other, encourage one another, laugh together and build each other up. And Steve and I will be in the same city at last!! It really can't come soon enough.

Steve loves superheroes:).


Pikes Peak at sunset!

Being swept away into a giant dust pan in front of the Denver Art Museum

Steve and Matthew's birthday party at Rock Bottom

Birthday cupcakes!

Oh Matthew:).

My soon-to-be roomie, Alecia

About to get ice cream...

Steve thinks he looks like Casper the ghost in this picture:)...

Josh and John's ice cream is the BEST!!!

Drawing me a picture with crayons...

:)

Tagged.

I've been tagged by both Cassie and Liesl, so it's time for me to participate! I'm supposed to list seven random tidbits about myself. Hmm... here it goes!

1. Both of my thumbs are double jointed in two places. Truly! The result of this is that I can bend them both back in a very awkward way. This is my one and only stupid human trick.

2. I have been known to laugh, talk and yes... even walk... in my sleep.

3. I played the flute for 7 years when I was younger, and can still pick it up and play a decent tune. I noticed that Jen Price is a fellow flautist. Jen, we should really perform a duet at some point:)!!!

4. Though I hail from North Dakota, I've NEVER been to Canada. How is this possible?

5. When I was a little girl I was absolutely convinced that someday I would be an Olympic gymnast. The problem was, I was completely uncoordinated. Beth, Emma and Cassie can all affirm this. My gymnastics career lasted all of 6 months... but I must admit, I've secretly hoped since then that the needed skill would suddenly just arrive. Maybe 2012?!?

6. I've eaten worms, termites and many other "delicacies".

7. I love to climb trees!!!

"Train yourself..."

I ran it for Chelsea. It was, after all, her first marathon and my fourth. When the going got tough she would need me to reassure her that she could do it. Right??? 26.2 miles later, Chelsea was dragging my dehydrated and completely shattered body across the finish line. I learned hard lessons on Sunday. That 4 hours and 48 minutes was the most excruciating of my life.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I did not train very well for this marathon. Oh, I had plenty of excuses for that. I just moved. I don't have time. I don't know where the good trails are. It's too hot. It's too cold. The air is too thin. I'm tired of running! My joints hurt. On and on. I also had plenty of reasons why, regardless of my lack of preparedness, I would run splendidly on race day. It's all mental. I'm still in pretty good shape. I just ran a half marathon in a good time. I know what to expect now. I'm skinnier than last year. I eat the right foods. On and on. Anything to keep from admitting that I just had not put in enough training runs.

What I was lacking in actual preparedness I was certainly not lacking in confidence! Oh brother. At the starting line I felt great and breezed through the first couple of miles only concerned about pacing ourselves so we could pick up speed at the end of the race. Around mile 3 my stomach started letting me know that all was not well, and by mile 5 I was just plain miserable. Thus began the battle. I had never experienced this before! Where was the runner's high? The feel of floating along with the cheering of the crowds? Today the throngs of people on the sidewalks were just plain irritating. Why was I running and they were watching? Why, oh why, wasn't I with them instead of with the crazy runners? At mile 6 I told Chelsea the truth: I felt completely horrible and frankly there was no way in the world I was going to be able to finish that race! I told her to run ahead and she said no. I told her again to go and run her best, but again she said no. She said we would make it, one mile at a time. By mile 10 I was dry heaving on the side of the road as we ran. This continued for about two miles, with nothing to show for it. I had felt so sick the first few miles that I wasn't drinking very much at the water stations. By the half-way point the sun was baking us, the temperature was in the mid-80s, and I was in big trouble. I realized that I had stopped sweating and was starting to feel very dizzy. At the next water station I forced myself to drink water and Gatorade to avoid collapsing, but damage had already been done. I had to hold on to Chelsea at one point and she was consistently asking me questions. "Do you need to sit? How are you feeling? I don't want to have to find a stretcher for you!" Sometimes she just continued on in a determined silence. I knew she had made up her mind that she was not only going to get herself to the end, but she was bringing me with her. What selflessness! We passed a med tent and I looked longingly inside at the several runners getting iced and being treated for dehydration. It looked like heaven and I wanted to join them. "We're going to finish," Chelsea said. I wanted to ask how she was doing but I just didn't have it in me. All I had was the occasional moan and grunt of... "AH, HOT." What a day.

Crossing the finish line I didn't have tears to cry. But Chelsea put her arm around me, a huge smile on her face and said, "We did it." Not only had we done it, but we only finished 18 minutes slower than our goal time! Not too bad considering the conditions. I thanked her over and over again for staying with me, and promised her a faster marathon next year. I promised I would train hard for that one, and I will keep that promise as long as my body allows me to do so!

Looking back from where I sit now I can see God's hand everywhere. He used that miserable Sunday to teach me some valuable lessons. Marathons are not the only thing that require training.

"Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:7-8

Sometimes I hit the streets in life like I hit the streets of Chicago. I haven't been training. I'm overconfident in my "spirituality" and think I can follow God with excellence, even when He is far from my first priority. But that is a deception of the mind which allows me to grow sluggish in my pursuit of Him. Godliness does not come easily, and drawing near to God absolutely must be a priority that I simply cannot afford to brush away. The results of training to be godly are too valuable to miss.

Another lesson. At times in the past several years when I have faced crises of life and of faith, I've needed "Chelseas" to drag me along even when I've felt defeated. Even when I've wanted to throw in the towel. Friends and family have faithfully stood by me and said, "You're going to make it. Look to Jesus. I'm right here with you." Again I find myself in awe of this deep love, shown to me by so many, and wanting desperately to be that voice of loving endurance for others. That is, after all, what following Jesus is all about: loving Him and loving others selflessly.

After 48 hours the many blisters on my toes are starting to heal and my legs are not quite as sore. Steve came to see me yesterday during my short layover in Denver (so sweet!) and I managed to run from my gate to where he was with no problem:). I also met his sister, Cathleen, this weekend! She met me for the World Vision banquet on Saturday night, and it was fantastic getting to know her a little bit. What a sweetheart! It was SO nice that Josh and Sarah drove down from North Dakota as well. The final blessing of Chicago was getting to see a dear college friend, Sarah Johnson, for several hours before going to the airport. She and her husband moved to Chicago not long before I moved to Africa and it has been well over two years since I saw them. What true gifts from the Lord they have been to me over the years! The whole weekend was a blast and will be remembered fondly...

...all except Sunday morning. But from it I have learned.

What's New?

Autumn is without question my favorite time of the year. When autumn comes around I will go more than a little out of my way to jump on crunchy-looking leaves, and I have been doing just that as much as possible for the past two weeks. This is the time when the trees radiate beauty and originality. They are tired of being green and instead burst into unique combinations of golds, yellows, oranges, browns, and reds. There is a crispness and a joy about autumn that is simply captivating. Thank You, God, for this. Another blissful reason to celebrate the arrival of fall is, of course, football season.

To this I raise the purple and gold and say with gusto, "GO VIKINGS". They may only be 2-3 thus far, but it's still early.

Tonight brings the arrival of a not-so-beloved season, winter. Tonight the wind is howling, a blizzard is forecasted, and I'm wondering if my flight to Chicago tomorrow will be delayed or not. Somehow marathon time is back! This time I will sheepishly admit that I have not trained as hard as I should have, but running with two friends will definitely keep me from stopping. Really I am only nervous about how much pain I will be in come Sunday afternoon. "Why do I keep putting myself through this?" I wonder. I can't explain it completely, but the rush of finishing is just so entirely worth the agony of getting there. I find many spiritual parallels while I run, and experience God in a very deep way. I simply cannot give that up. My brother and sister-in-law are driving down for the weekend thanks to some rain that is keeping them out of the fields. I know I should not be happy about the rain which slows harvest, but I will admit I am a selfish creature... so thankful for the rain I am. I can't wait to see my sibbys!!

Sarah Irish is now Sarah Moline!!! Two nights before the long-awaited event we lay in bed as we had done so many times before... talking. I read to Sarah one of our favorite Psalms and we rejoiced. We prayed. I cried (of course). We talked of this beautiful and mysterious thing called love. And finally we dozed off, delighted. God had heard our prayers and had blessed Sarah with Justin. Pictures from the wedding can be found by clicking the 'My Snappies' link. As for a newlywed update... it is wonderful to hear the joy in my friend's voice as she speaks about her new husband. All is well for the new Molines! For me one of the best parts of the weekend was having a very special someone fly in from Colorado to be my date for the wedding. More on that later in the post... :)





I am adjusting to life in Billings, although I must say that I'm still learning how to cope with days off.
They really can be incredibly lonely! My solution for this is simply to work as much as possible. St. Vincents NICU is really fantastic (yes, those really are light-up trees over the isolettes!!) and I just plain love being a NICU nurse.

For me it is a perfect combination of the tense, the calm, the chaotic and the humorous. One minute I can be rocking a baby to sleep and the next minute an alarm will send me running down the hall to a delivery. That is always a nice adrenaline rush at 3:45am! A few nights ago while I was changing her diaper a sweet little girl shot a stream of poo so far that it soiled a curtain 2 feet from her bed:). Nice shot!! She got a swift dunk in the tub and the rest of us got a good laugh. I love my coworkers. I love seeing babies grow from under a pound to 8 pound, healthy newborns who are going home. It's awesome getting to know the families of our babies, and helping them feel comfortable and bond with their premie. Yes, I love my job. It's not Africa but it's where God has me and I am thankful. He knows what He is doing and everything He does is good. There is so much peace in knowing that!

Hmm, while on the subject of God's sweet goodness, I think this would be a good time to introduce Steve:). Steve is... well... fantastic. I hesitate to try to explain him too much because I just wouldn't be able to do him justice. He is sweet, hilarious and loves Jesus to put it simply... and I could go on and on about the strength of his character and the way he embraces life. He makes me feel like the most special girl in the world. I don't deserve it, but you won't hear me complaining:)! Here are a few photos. Guaranteed he will be included in stories in future posts, so now you can get an idea of how adorable he is in advance:).




I don't know about anyone else, but this election business is really starting to drive me crazy. Still, I can't help but glue myself to the news and the debates and wonder what the decision will be come November. I watch as the rest of the world watches us... knowing full well that the person we elect will directly affect them too. It makes me sad the the #1 issue at the front of our minds is our own economy. The fact that we are having to tighten our belts a little bit is absolutely unthinkable to us as Americans, even to many of us who follow Christ. Yet we still are so slow to see the rest of the world who struggles... not with making mortgage payments or putting gas in their car because those things are unfathomable to most of our brothers and sisters around the globe. No, what many are thinking about his how they will feed their starving children. So I watch in the debates for signs that the candidates care about poverty. I listen to rally speeches where the chant is a resounding, "USA, USA, USA..." and think, hmm. As a citizen of the Kingdom of God that is not my chant. Indeed it cannot be if I truly want to follow Him. His chant is for the world... for the poor.

My whole being will exclaim, "Who is like you, O LORD ? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them." Psalm 35:10

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

I realize it is idealistic of me to expect a presidential candidate to seek good for all the countries of the world rather than just one country. But it is not idealistic to expect and pursue that as Christ's body. There is no time to lose, and it delights me straight to my bones as I watch so many of my brothers and sisters pursue that very thing. Take the Shervheims for example, who with 5 young children of their own recently adopted two eastern European little girls with Down Syndrome. Or the Kellers, on the road to adopting a child from Ethiopia and with the vision of helping 100+ families in the Fargo area to do the same. Or Collette, who recently stepped out in faith and purchased a home to be used as a haven for international students on the NDSU campus. Alone in a foreign country, at her home they find love and acceptance. And of course there are our brothers and sisters abroad, in countries of desperate need but full of people with incomprehensible resolve and endurance... and faith. I learned recently that Carlos and the team in Mozambique is expanding to two new, very needy communities. My heart swelled with joy at this news! I am so proud of my Mozambiquan brothers and sisters, as well as my Canadian, Irish, South African, English, Dutch, Zambian and American brothers and sisters who continue so diligently to love their neighbor as they love themselves throughout southern Africa. I am humbled and often shamed by their servant-hood... their selflessness. God bless you all.