April Snow Days

I got home from work on Saturday morning to see our house covered with snow!!! It was our third blizzard in April and we are expecting more in May. Haha, TIND (this is North Dakota...). I don't mind. It looks so pretty!!



Isaac turned 6 on Sunday! He is getting to be so incredibly grown up. But not too grown up for a bowling party and monster truck cake!!! I love this little man. Happy birthday bud!!!

Team World Vision!!!!

Life Change

I played in the rain this morning. Though it did bother me a little bit that cars were driving by and probably thinking I was crazy, the first rain of spring just needs to be enjoyed! Everything is turning green and little friends are starting to emerge, which is something we encourage. Rachel and I had left two garbage bags on the front porch of the house two days ago to be taken to the dumpster when the craziness of wedding festivities passed. Yesterday when I thought to take them a squirrel scampered away from one of them. He had smelled nuts, apparently, and had made a tiny hold and discovered a small bag of trail mix. He was neatly removing the nuts from the bag so I decided to leave everything alone for a while longer. Today I went back to see that all of the nuts and the chocolate (a squirrel after my own heart) were gone but the Craisins were left behind. Obviously the little guy isn't a fruit eater. I love spring!!!

For lunch I met with Nicole, an Air Force recruiter, and it was awesome! This is one of the "developments" I've mentioned in previous blog posts. I'm enlisting! You may be wondering why. I desperately want to go back to grad school for nurse midwife and nurse practitioner licenses. However, the online program I'm looking at is quite expensive. While praying one day about how I would pay for this, I got a call from Nicole. I've talked with her before about Air Force nursing, but what sold me this time was that they pay for well over half of the cost of graduate school! And nurses only need to enlist for 3 years... which is as long as it will take me to get two degrees anyway. To top it off, I will most likely be stationed in San Antonio, where there is a very large NICU and flight nursing team. San Antonio is where my sister-in-law's family lives, and I LOVE them all. There are whole lists of other wonderful parts about being in the Air Force, and getting all of my questions answered today just further confirmed that this is from God and the right path. Though it is sad to think that it will be at least three years before I will even be able to think about going back overseas for longer than 2 or 3 weeks at a time, at the end of this three years I will be much more prepared to work independently in a third world country. Until then, I will live vicariously through and pray for all of the people I know who are serving God so beautifully in the places where I wish I could be. Basic training will start for me in January. It won't be as intense as civilian basic, since I will go in as an officer. Honestly though, I hope it is somewhat intense because I think it will be fun. How cool is it to get paid to run?!? Maybe there will be a little more to it then that, but I'm pumped.

Josh and Rachel Keller!!!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
















More pics from Josh and Rachel's big day at www.picasaweb.google.com/ginnahelen

The song in my heart....

"Who Am I" -Watermark

Over time You've healed so much in me and I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
Though at times it's just enough to cast a shadow on the wall
Oh I am grateful that You shine Your light on me at all

Who am I, that You would love me so gently
Who am I, that You would recognize my name
Who am I, that You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with a LOVE Most High... Who am I???

Oh amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found was blind but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song the more I understand
That I do not comprehend this love that's coming from Your hand

Who am I, that You would love me so gently
Who am I, that You would recognize my name
Who am I, that You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with a love Most High... Who am I???

Wanted: Water Wings!

Life is just so embarrassing sometimes. Since my knee is being ridiculous and I can't really run, last Wednesday I decided to try swimming. There were two others doing laps in the NDSU pool when I arrived. I had gotten myself a pair of goggles because I figured all swimmers need goggles to be taken seriously. What I didn't realize is that you also need to know how to SWIM to be taken seriously. I would watch the other two doing their laps and I promise you, they never seemed to come up for air! So I tried to follow their example but just got ridiculously out of breath. My lungs were burning! So I tried to do laps with my head above water, but just felt like I was doing a whole lot of splashing and not getting very far very fast. Having a lifeguard there was bittersweet... she made me feel secure in case I would suddenly just give out and go straight to the bottom of the pool. However, I also felt like she was snickering under her breath at my delinquency. Sheesh. I've been practicing, and I think I'm getting better. But don't expect me to be entering any races any time soon.

Holy the Firm, Annie Dillard

"I know only enough of God to want to worship him..." -Holy the Firm (p. 55)

Though I have read many things about Annie Dillard and read many snippets from her various works, this is the first of her books that I have read from cover to cover. In short it was a challenge, but a challenge that I absolutely loved! Dillard writes about the world in a way that connects the dots of life and time, from our most obscure thoughts to our humorous daily routines to our most painful realities. In the opening chapter we find a sensational description of a spider who has taken up residence in Dillard's bathroom, and of her familiarity with owls and moths. With chapter 2 comes chaos, when little Julie Norwich is burned badly in a plane crash. Dillard expresses well the deep emotion of such an experience, and puts words to the questions about God and suffering that all of us ask from time to time. In an ironic and humorous change of subject she speaks of attending church, and of her inner turmoil at being the one on a mission to buy the communion wine.

"How can I buy the communion wine? Who am I to buy the communion wine? Someone has to buy the communion wine. Having wine instead of grape juice was my idea, and of course I offered to buy it. Shouldn't I be wearing robes and, especially, a mask? Shouldn't I make the communion wine? Are there holy grapes, is there holy ground, is anything here holy? There are no holy grapes, there is no holy ground, nor is there anyone but us." (p. 63)

This fact that there is "no one but us" is the theme of the third and final chapter. With dramatic emphasis she refutes over and over our false idea that there is someone more worthy to act, someone more Godly, someone more simple and thus, more able. But there is no one but us. Dillard challenges the notion that we are "ordinary" people by painting a beautiful picture.

"Christ is being baptized. The one who is Christ is there, and the one who is John, and the dim other people standing on cobbles or sitting on beach logs back from the bay. These are ordinary people - if I am one now, if those are ordinary sheep singing a song in the pasture." (p. 66)

To read this book seemed like an intimate peek into the realities of humanities' soul, and the endless mysteries that can be found there. I just might have cried at the end, when Dillard imagines Julie Norwich with her badly burned face as a nun and implores her, "Look how he loves you!" (p. 74). A single woman herself, Dillard wishes this very special romance with God for little Julie.

"Be victim to abruptness and seizures, events intercalated, swellings of heart. You'll climb trees. You won't be able to sleep, or need to, for the joy of it. Mornings, when light spreads over the pastures like wings, and fans a secret color into everything, and beats the trees senseless with beauty, so that you can't tell whether the beauty is in the trees - dazzling in cells like yello sparks or green flashing waters - or on them - transfiguring silver air charged with the wings' invisible motion; mornings, you won't be able to walk for the power of it: earth's too round... Then you kneel, clattering with thoughts, ill, or some days erupting, some days holding the altar rail, gripping the brass-bolt altar rail, so you won't fly." (p. 75)

Teeth (Part 2)

I decided to get a second opinion about my cavity situation. Thirteen just seemed a bit fishy, and ridiculous. So a friend got me in to see his dentist friend. The news was fantastic! He took new xrays and showed me in detail what he was looking at. Three cavities, that's it!! He smiled and said, "You've been praying about this, haven't you." Nearly in tears, I nodded emphatically and wondered if it was a faux pas to hug the dentist. It would seem that contrary to what I used to think, all dentist's are NOT created equal. I'm grateful to that God cares even about little things! Oh, and the picture is NOT my teeth... but the bright red lipstick probably gave that away.

A Flower Blooms...

Spring is here. The sign on the corner flashed 53 degrees in digital red letters, but I already knew. The city had come alive! Down every street in nearly every house, people emerged from their long hibernation. It was the kind of day that makes a person long to just sit barefoot on the front porch with lemonade and a good book. It was the kind of day that begged to be savored. It was the kind of day that seems to say ever so gently, "Everything is going to be just fine."

Last night I was reading from Mother Teresa's 'Come Be My Light'. In the opening pages there is a quote that resonated deep in my soul. She writes in a letter:

"Now Father-since 49 or 50 this terrible sense of loss-this untold darkness-this loneliness this continual longing for God-which gives me that pain deep down in my heart-Darkness is such that I really do not see-neither with my mind nor with my reason-the place of God in my soul is blank-There is no God in me-when pain of longing is so great-I just long & long for God-and then it is that I feel-He does not want me-He is not there-...God does not want me-Sometimes-I just hear my own heart cry out-"My God" and nothing else comes-The torture and pain I can't explain-" (pg.2)

I cannot imagine the years of utter darkness Mother Teresa felt, as she struggled with wondering why she know longer experienced God's presence. Then coming to the realization that she was living out a taste of the Passion of Christ, in order that she might gain more of His heart. This floors me, as I struggle through the process of emerging from months of my own darkness. Though whether mine has been due to the will of God or due to my own rebellion and frustration towards Him I do not know. Either way, I do feel that this struggle is all a part of purification. And if I can become more like Jesus in the process of feeling deep pain, then I do not wish for it to go away. There are still days of darkness... days where I feel that I just can't go on. But there are more days in which I feel hope. And every day I know that I need God. I need God. I ever so desperately need God.

Life for me at the moment is horrendously "normal". I work, I spend time with friends, I go to church, I watch reality shows on cable. I long for more, but feel stuck. Patience is not my strong suit. I tell my parents that for crying out loud, I'M BORED! They understand. I have my dad to thank for these adventure genes. My desire for the nations has not changed, and only grows stronger. Opportunities abound, but what is right? I need direction, and I think it's coming. Today I have spent most of the day just praying, and feel a wonderful peace that has evaded me for quite some time now. However God leads, I know it will be good. More on that soon...

**GRIN**

WOW WOW WOW. If I could only find words for the last 48 hours! I was supposed to be working last Sunday night (my 24th birthday), but an extra nurse was scheduled that night so I got it off. My pal Emma was home from Omaha for spring break and I could not wait to see her. Two months is TOO LONG!!! We quickly made plans along with Rachel and Sarah E. to go out on the town. How much free stuff could we get out of Fargo in one evening? That was the question. We met up at Mexican Village to start things off and I couldn't have been more excited... or so I thought. Em gave me one of her ALWAYS perfect gifts. This year it was a mini Ireland flag (for our St. Patty's day celebration the next day), a hilarious hat (also for our celebration the next day), a beautiful book of portraits from around the world, and a bottle of wine from Stellenbosch, South Africa! As soon as I finished opening Em said, "Ok, I can't take it anymore. I have something to tell you!" I screamed... yes, screamed. Everyone stopped and stared as we hugged. MARRIED?!?!? YAAAAAAAY!!! It was a completely unexpected proposal for her, so naturally it was a complete surprise (but a fantastic one) for me!! Emma has been my friend basically since birth. She is not the "settle down" type, but Jay has captured her heart completely and it's amazing to see her wanting to be with him more than anything else. I was overcome with the beauty of it! Being a girly girl I always get excited about engagements. But this one... well, nothing else compares. A man for my girl! THE man for my girl. It seems as though everyone gets married, but an incredibly blessed few marry the one who truly draws the very best out of them. Em does that for Jay, and Jay does that for Em! There couldn't have been a better birthday surprise. We enjoyed precious hours of delighting in the greatness of God together.

The rest of our evening consisted of free meals, drinks, desserts, and even a birthday song from the guy in the Taco Johns drive-through. We laughed harder than should be allowed. When the clock struck midnight and as a result my ID no longer did any good, we headed home. Four hours later Em and I finally drifted off to sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling blissfully happy. It actually felt strange! For months I have been in an awful funk... having good times but still waking up feeling... sad. Lacking joy and needing to actively ask God to help me choose it every day, regardless of feeling. I used to wake up smiling and have the keenest awareness that God was right there with me. I felt that yesterday again and it hasn't gone away. Thank you Jesus! Something has happened in my heart. I once again have the urge to dance around my apartment and run around outside looking for prospects of spring flowers. It may seem silly, but it's huge.











Yesterday consisted of wedding dress shopping (August wedding!) for Em and a final dress fitting for Rachel (April 19th)! The lady at David's Bridal kept saying "Congratulations" to both of them... to which I would pipe in "thank you":). Yes, I am the best friend of the brideS (plural). Last night we dressed up in green and brought Jay and Cassie with us to wave our Irish flags and find some green beer. We were successful! Fargo knows how to celebrate St. Patrick's day. No pinches for us! Rachel opted to stay home and show her holiday spirit by painting her living room... what else... GREEN:)!!











Today was filled with sunshine, a gorgeous run (my knee is a million times better!), and dinner out with my family and, of course, Emma and Jay. Birthday cake at my apartment rounded things out, not to mention gifts... FOUR books!!! They know me too well.








One more exciting thing to mention... my beautiful and ridiculously fun friend Megan is coming to visit next weekend. We met in South Africa last February, had a chance to be roommates for a month in May-June, and have loved being able to talk on the phone ever since her return from Zambia a couple of weeks ago. Meggy's, I CAN'T WAIT to see you:).

Teeth (Part 1)

Yesterday I could be found at the dentist for what was a long overdue cleaning and exam. It wasn't that I haven't thought about going earlier, it's just that after getting home I had to wait until I had insurance, then had to find a dentist, then wait for an appointment. Even though it had been nearly two years since I had been seen, there was not a nervous thought in my mind. I fully expected the visit to go just as every visit to the dentist has gone. I sit in the chair, everyone tells me what beautiful teeth I have, and I smile and say, "why thank you!" As the hygienist was doing her horrid business of scraping my teeth with that awful pick, she commented that there was very little plaque built up considering how long it had been between cleanings. Fantastic. Then the dentist came in and I waited for the good news. I was shocked to instead hear the words, "you have cavities." Groan. I couldn't believe it! But wait, because it gets worse. She proceeded to tell me that my mouth was full of tiny cavities between my teeth. Not one or two... or even five or ten! No, I have a grand total of thirteen cavities. A full baker's dozen!! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but quickly headed towards the latter when I thought of how much this was going to cost. Fortunately, insurance will cover half but it's still quite the ouch. The well-meaning hygienist reassured me that they do, in fact, offer a payment plan. Oh terrific, that's just what I need... a monthly payment on my teeth.

All day I have been analyzing this news and trying to pinpoint the culprit. Granted, I don't floss very often, but I never have flossed and never had trouble!! Sarah flosses religiously and is always telling me I really should too. I smugly reply that it isn't necessary. Oops. It looks like Sarah was right again! Phooey. Note to self... must start flossing. Could my beloved toothpaste have anything to do with it? I love Crest Cinnamon Rush SO much that I brought enough tubes with me overseas to last the entire year. I have been brushing with it for about 2 ½ years total... it could be a coincidence. But soon the bearer of bad news was prescribing even more bad news... prescription fluoride toothpaste. Gross! Giving up my toothpaste makes me sad, but I'm determined to do whatever it takes to never get a cavity again. How hard can it be to floss once a day? And if no more soda means healthier teeth, then dang-it I'll quit drinking soda. I guess all of us non-flossing soda drinkers just need to "stick to our guns"... or, stick to our GUMS!! Just a little dental humor there for you.

Anyway, I'm grossed out. This situation might call for the writing of a bluesy country song. I could call it "Go Away Tooth Decay", or something nifty like that. Anyone have ideas for a tune? Thirteen cavities. Good grief.

For Love of Mozy...

I was down at the farm this past weekend, and while scanning some of my sister's more recent pictures stumbled across her Africa pictures. They were fantastic! It was awesome to be able to go through them and feel each moment again. Feel Mozy... feel home. If you want to see them, click on the "My Snappies" link at left.

Sarah came over for dinner tonight. I sent her a text message to tell her the food was ready and she laughed at me, saying it was just like when we were in Mozambique. When I didn't know what to do, I would cook something. When she didn't know what to do she would clean something:). Quite the pair!!! I treasure our times together immensely and am beyond thankful that we live in the same city and can see each other often. We are both itching to visit Mozambique and are planning a trip in November or early December. Please pray that it happens! I get choked up just thinking about how good it would be.

Two of Sarah's friends are currently in South Africa, going through the same Footprints program that we went through. The two nurses will go on to Mozambique after their training. They will live in our house, and drive our car. How exciting!!! Please be praying for these girls as well. God is sending them to a very precious place and people.

R.I.C.E

Horror of horrors, I injured my left knee. Online research has brought me to the conclusion that it is either Ileotibial band syndrome, or Patellofemoral pain syndrome. I'm tending to lean towards the latter (often referred to as "runners knee") and it's not great news. I'm finding that it is quite common among distance runners, and as the name implies, it hurts like heck! At this point I am wishing I could go back in time to Tuesday afternoon when I made the genius decision to try to just run through the small amount of discomfort I was feeling from the day before. Five miles later my leg just wouldn't allow me to take another step and I had to pathetically limp home. So now I am actively "RICE-ing", a useful acronym which stands for rest, ice, compression, elevate.



With only 10 weeks until the Fargo marathon, I'm trying to remain calm. It's funny how this running thing has become such a regular and beloved part of my life. But I am not too worried (there are still 10 weeks after all!) and the extra time off the road and on the couch has afforded very sweet times with the Lord. The next few months of my life are still quite a mystery, so although I would love to know what God is up to, it's comforting to just rest in Him and be happy in the thought that I just want to be... where He is. I need to be reminded often that more of my effort needs to be spent on who I am BECOMING than what I am DOING. This is difficult for me. But I am looking forward to more time with the knee up, iced and compressed to think on and pray for these things. I was further challenged just now by this quote:

"The art of praying, as we grow, is really the art of learning to waste time gracefully—to be simply the clay in the hands of the potter. This may sound easy—too easy to be true—but it is really the most difficult thing we ever learn to do.... This is the real reason why so few of us ever come, in this life, to the full experience of God’s love for us."
- Thomas H. Green
When the Well Runs Dry

As I sit in my favorite, slightly eccentric coffee shop downtown I suddenly feel delight at being alive. Cold outside or not I pulled out my favorite red and white polka-dot dress to wear today just because it is cheerful. Jack Johnson's "Better Together" is playing in the background and makes me laugh as I think of all the times my best pal, Emma, and I have sang it to each other... snapping our fingers as we did so. Ah, the little things:).

Patience

In the western world we live by our watch. It orders us around and determines when we are under stress and when we can relax for a moment. But precious time demands too much of us to let those moments come very often. This consumption with time naturally results in a dramatic loss of love and relationship. All too often we don't even see needs around us in our hurry to get wherever it is we need to go next. If I'm meeting with a friend for coffee, I have ONE hour. No more. I have been noticing and shuddering at my slavery to the clock lately, and was prodded again when I spent time this afternoon in Henri Nouwen's "Compassion" (one of my favorite books). Nouwen talks about patience being the discipline of compassion. He discusses impatience as being an obsession for us to get out of the current moment and on to the next. I can relate, especially when it hits 5am after a long night of work, or I'm stuck in traffic, or in the middle of a dry sermon. God has placed me in that situation for a purpose. Why? I want to find out, and start celebrating and watching for Him instead of walking in impatience.

"But when patience prevents us from running from the painful moment in the false hope of finding our treasure elsewhere, we can slowly begin to see that the fullness of time is already here and that salvation is already taking place. Then, too, we can discover that in and through Christ all human events can become divine events in which we discover the compassionate presence of God." (pg. 98)

Nouwen also calls us to remember the moments either alone or with loved ones when time seemed to stand still. When it just didn't matter. When everything in the world seemed right because we realized that God is above time and place. I can remember a small handful of these moments very clearly. One was in Mozambique when I was out watching the sun come up (a fairly regular occurrence) and listening to the voices of birds on a beautiful, deserted path. I am quite sure it was the happiest moment of my life. Despite turmoil on every side, I felt peace and everything seemed right in the world. I want to experience more of those moments, and know that I need to be willing to give up my obsession with scheduling and embrace God's perfect timing. I want Him to show me things that I would miss otherwise, and to spend more time loving others.

As much as we hate to admit it or pray for it, God demands patience of us. Little by little we must learn that patience is not a form of discipline to be abhorred, but a beautiful attribute of God that He wants to develop in us, for His glory.

FM Curling Club

Last week a group of us embarked on a new adventure... curling! Though none of us had participated in this delightful sport before, we were all hooked within minutes. The girls got off to an early start, but the guys made a dramatic comeback and beat us in the end. It's probably good that they did, since we were beginning to gloat. I can't wait to go again. New motto? "I'd rather be curling". :)

I Saw God Today

The radio in my car is frequently tuned to a local country station, where this afternoon I heard George Strait exclaiming that he saw God today. He sings about being in the hospital with his wife as she delivers their baby. He goes outside for a while and sees a flower bravely poking its head through a crack in the sidewalk. He goes on to ponder that while he "goes to church and reads the Book"... he knows that God is present but isn't actively watching for Him. I am that way sometimes. Miraculous, tiny lives consume my days. It's "work", yet so far from it... God is there and showing Himself, yet I don't take time to marvel and praise Him often enough. A few days ago I planted some herbs in five little pots and placed them on my windowsill. I have been eagerly watering them and hoping that they will grow. How does that happen? God creates such amazing stuff!! My idea of "creation" is putting a lasagna together and being happy about how delicious it is:). So with a little encouragement from Mr. Strait, tomorrow I am going to actively LOOK for God. Who would ever have expected to be challenged by tuning in Froggy 99.9?!

The Way of Jesus

I am fully engrossed with this year's election. Why? Perhaps it is because the race is close and the candidates intriguing. Or perhaps it is because this is the first election in which I have thought more deeply about why I should vote this way or that. By glancing at where I live and go to church one could easily assume that I fall into the category of conservative evangelical voter. There are basically two issues which stereotypically concern such voters, but things are changing and I welcome the change. I no longer want to vote immediately for the "obvious" candidate without prayerfully considering which candidate walks most closely in line with the way of Jesus. As Americans and believers in Christ it is often difficult to tell which is a higher priority in our lives. Are we first followers of Christ? Often I think we claim that because it sounds better, but the reality is that our status as "Americans" is truly on top of the list.

If we want to follow Christ first, we must look at the things HE valued and the issues with which HE was concerned. If we look in the Bible we see that poverty and oppression of the weak tops the list. What are we doing to combat these things? Do we care about orphans? Do we care about the sick and the widow? We must. Even if the country in which we reside cares little, WE must care. Jesus also cared about peace. Certainly in the Scriptures we find God destroying nations that didn't fear Him. But can we take it upon ourselves to decide who those nations are and what we want to do to them. Can America safely play God and get away with it?

This morning while getting ready for work I had CNN Sunday morning on in the background. I was delighted to see the face of Brian Maclaren bringing a fresh (and I felt, quite accurate) perspective to the "Faith and Politics" section. The anchor was more than a little surprised to hear Maclaren's view on what issues matter most in this election to the evangelical community. I was very exciting to see. Maclaren, along with Jim Wallis, Sojourners, and several good friends have been influential in encouraging me to really think about my political views. My head hurts from thinking too much, but it feels amazing.

I have yet to decide how I will vote in November. There is so much more I want to learn about the candidates! However, I do know with full confidence that there is NO candidate who can fix everything. If we are placing our hope in any man or woman, we will only be sorely disappointed time and time again. Our hope is in Christ! So while I very much enjoy the debates and varied viewpoints surrounding this election I find great joy in knowing that... The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it." Psalm 24:1

Never Forgets...

Isn't it interesting how in a simple moment that is often not distinguishable even in hindsight, something happens and life changes forever? The more I stop to think about it the more it is clear that life is full of these moments. I'm not sure I like that! Yet another big one came for me a few weeks ago with a simple phone call. Suddenly I find myself applying for grad school, considering a move to the opposite end of the country where I am aquainted with absolutely no one, and shifting my gaze to a very unfamiliar part of the world. Just when I started getting comfortable, God had other ideas. Often the 'new things' on the horizon fill me with excitement, almost always I start getting weary when trying to work out the details (which I could never do to perfection anyway... God seems to make it 'impossible' so that He can show me once again how amazing He is), but there are also regular bouts of fear and even anger which bring me back to a place where I find myself so many times. That place is wondering if God really knows what He is doing or if He has finally gone off the deep end this time... wondering why He asks such strange things of me and if I really have to say yes, all the while knowing that I WILL say yes because there is no other way. I want things that it seems I can't have... some sort of stability, familiarity (God, can I PLEASE just go back to Africa?), maybe even love. Time after time He leads me in another direction, deeply though I long to hold on to what I already love with passion. I want to say, "Lord I am weary. Go one without me, please." But He never forgets one He loves. Never.

No One Else Knows
Building 429

My world is closing in on the inside, but I'm not showing it
When all I am is crying out I hold it in and fake a smile still I'm broken, I'm broken
Only One can understand and only one can hold the hand of the broken, of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms...
Again

I need no explanation of "Why Me?"
I just need confirmation
When only You could understand the emptiness inside my head
I am falling, I'm falling
I'm falling down upon my knees to find the one that gives me peace
I am flying, I'm flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms...
Again

I have come to You in search of faith
'Cuz I can't see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I leave it in Your hands

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands...

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstreched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Oh You hold me in Your arms
I know that You hold me in Your arms...
Again

Matthew 8

Stained, wounded, bitter and beaten, the man sat with head bowed and heart numb. There was no hope for him! No hope for healing, no hope of freedom, no chance to ever be clean. Life had no meaning. Why had he even been born? Hope came one day in the most unexpected form of a simple man. Simple, but recognized by the unclean one as the Lord. Did he dare approach the Messiah in his filth? There was no other way. Scarcely breathing he limped toward Jesus, suddenly unaware of the angry shouts and panicked gasps of those around him. Everyone fled, except Jesus, and He was the only one that mattered anyway. The leprous man thought about the long years through which he had lived in utter loneliness. Not since the priest had declared him "UNCLEAN" had anyone so much as looked him in the eye. He felt no longer a man but more like a ghost, walking through life as though nothing were actually real. But then, as faith in the man standing before with love in his piercing look led him to declare his trust, something happened. Jesus wasn't afraid to touch the ugly places which completely covered him. Jesus wasn't afraid to love someone fully unclean. Jesus touched the leper, and his stains were gone. His old identity... "LEPER", was gone. What other identity could he take but that of the One who had cared enough to reach out and touch the ugly and the forbidden? He wanted no other name but Christ's.